The absolute worst week in Next Man Up! history after having every single QB lose this week, embarrassing us all. Either way, we still have to rank them, so please enjoy my suffering.
Next Man Up! Week Nine
Back to the Bench
All good things must come to an end and so our guests must make their way back to the locker room and wait to be called upon once more.
Case Keenum, BUF 1-0 (5)
Most Recent Performance: 0%, 0yds, 0 TD
Most Recent Performance: 0%, 0yds, 0 TD
Joe Flacco ⭐️, NYJ 1-2 (2)
Most Recent Performance: 53.8%, 285yds, 0 TD, 2 INT
Tyrod Taylor, NYG 1-0 (10)
Most Recent Performance: 67%, 11yds, 0 TD, 1 INT
Brian Hoyer, NE 0-1 (9)
Most Recent Performance: 83.3%, 37yds, 0 TD
Saquon Barkley ⭐️, NYG 1-0 (8)
Most Recent Performance: 0%, 0yds, 0 TD
Jacob Eason, CAR 0-1 (9)
Most Recent Performance: 60%, 59yds, 0 TD
Cooper Rush ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DAL 4-2 (3)
Most Recent Performance: 58.1%, 181yds, 1 TD, 3 INT
Most Recent Performance: 58.1%, 181yds, 1 TD, 3 INT
Skylar Thompson, MIA 0-2 (10)
Most Recent Performance: 53.8%, 89yds, 0 TD
Most Recent Performance: 53.8%, 89yds, 0 TD
Teddy Bridgewater, MIA 1-3 (4)
Most Recent Performance: 67.6%, 329yds, 2 TD, 2 INT
Most Recent Performance: 67.6%, 329yds, 2 TD, 2 INT
Chad Henne, KC 1-0 (10)
Most Recent Performance: 0%, 0yds, 0 TD
Brock Purdy, SF 0-1 (9)
Most Recent Performance: 44.4%, 66yds, 0 TD, 1 INT
Brett Rypien, DEN 0-1 (8)
Most Recent Performance: 52.2%, 225yds, 0 TD, 1 INT
Bailey Zappe ⭐️⭐️⭐️, NE 2-2 (2)
Most Recent Performance: 63.6%, 185, 1 TD, 2 INT
Most Recent Performance: 63.6%, 185, 1 TD, 2 INT
Nobody returned this week as Dalton and Willis hang on to staring just a bit longer as their starters continue to recover.
The Rankings
8. Malik Willis, TEN 1-2 (0)
Most Recent Performance: 31.3%, 80yds, 0 TD
Most Recent Performance: 31.3%, 80yds, 0 TD
I'm going to say it. I hate Malik Willis. I am mad that this game was as close as it was. Willis was able to hide behind a good defensive performance and great rushing from Derrick Henry and the casuals praise him for it. Willis is not a good QB; frankly, he does not deserve a QB2 spot. Sure maybe one day he magically becomes a serviceable backup but for now, he needs to stop slinging footballs and start slinging burgers at his local McDonald's.
7. Kenny Pickett, PIT 1-4 (0)
Most Recent Performance: 65.8%, 191yds, 0 TD, 1 INT
Most Recent Performance: 65.8%, 191yds, 0 TD, 1 INT
A much-needed bye week for the Steelers as they try to regroup and put together a respectable performance for the last half of the season. They come back to face the Saints in an ultimate showdown... just kidding. However, this snooze fest will be a relief for whichever win-needy team prevails.
6. P.J. Walker ⭐️⭐️, CAR 1-4 (1)
Most Recent Performance: 30%, 9yds, 0 TD, 2 INT
Let's cut to the chase, Walker was downright horrible against the Bengals. He was so bad that he was pulled for forgotten QB Baker Mayfield who came in and threw two pity TDs making this game look less bad. Somehow, Walker starts on TNF again and we'll see how he performed in next week's edition.
5. Sam Ehlinger, IND 0-2 (1)
Most Recent Performance: 51.7%, 103yds, 0 TD, 0 INT
A proper ass-whooping for Ehlinger as he was stomped out by the Patriots this week. Ehlinger was sacked NINE times by the Pats D and his lone interception turned into a short pick-six. The Colts were beaten so bad that they had no choice, but to fire HC Frank Reich. Indy is in full tank mode with new interim HC/ Former Colts' C Jeff Saturday and combined with Ehlinger they will strive to select this year's new model of QB in the 2023 NFL draft.
4. Jacoby Brissett ⭐️ , CLE 3-5 (0)
Most Recent Performance: 77.3%, 278yds, 2 TOT TD
Brissett is counting down the days until [REDACTED] comes back in three weeks to relieve him from underwhelming football in Cleveland. They get a chance to rest up before this week's matchup against a hot Miami Dolphins team looking to gain footing in the AFC playoff picture.
3. Andy Dalton ⭐️⭐️, NO 2-4 (0)
Most Recent Performance: 65.5%, 210yds, 1 TD, 1 INT
Not the worst Andy Dalton performance, but this game was fairly one-sided. The Ravens took care of business and Dalton just did his best and sat along for the ride. Jameis Winston is technically off the injury report, but it seems like the Saints are playing it safe and waiting until he's truly 100% before sending him back as the starter.
2. Taylor Heinicke ⭐️⭐️, WSH 2-1 (1)
Most Recent Performance: 53.6%, 149yds, 2 TD, 1 INT
Heinicke led a solid game for 90% of it. Until he threw an interception mid-4th quarter that was returned deep into Washington territory and allowed Minnesota to tie the game up and eventually win. Everyone makes mistakes and I'll give Heinicke the mulligan here.
1. Jimmy Garoppolo ⭐️, SF 4-3 (1)
Most Recent Performance: 84%, 235yds, 2 TD
As a Chargers fan, I am scared of this week's matchup against a rested Niners team. These guys are turning a corner under Jimmy G that looks like they did during his peak. I can only hope that the Garollercoaster dives deep this week before heading back up.
By Brandon McCann
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